Learning to Listen: Discovering Illness Narratives in Medical Education

With my White Coat Ceremony over and the start of medical school looming in the very near future, it seems inevitable to me that this website will be transformed, just as I will.  While I’m not certain exactly how, I have several ideas about where I hope to go.

The stethoscope presented to us at our White Coat Ceremony reminded me of my original purpose in creating this blog. The stethoscope embodies, both literally and figuratively, one of my favorite components of the practice of medicine: the ability to listen. When I first discovered the genre of illness narratives, I felt compelled to listen keenly to the experiences of those with illness and the variety of ways in which they can be expressed.

But just as a stethoscope alone does not provide a diagnosis, I’ve come to realize that there is more to receiving these narratives than to listen. I write because I believe also in the value of sharing, of moving forward and doing something with what I learn through listening.

As I move into this next phase of my life, I want to rededicate this website to its original purpose of receiving and sharing ideas about illness narratives. But I want to do so from an entirely different perspective: as a medical student studying to become a physician rather than an undergraduate with hopes to enter medicine. And by acknowledging how different these two realms are, I can begin to understand from within just how medicine acknowledges the narratives of the ill.

I’m sure that I will be busy scribbling lecture notes, reading and rereading textbooks, and dissecting the human body. But all the while, as I study the science of medicine, I plan to bear in mind the art of medicine. I hope to applaud but also question and even criticize the ways that we talk about illness and about people in the institution of medical education.

I believe in the power of illness narratives. And, ultimately, in “Humanism in Medicine.”

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How to “Make-A-Wish”: Stephen’s Day as a Michigan Football Recruit

When people think about the Make-A-Wish Foundation, most people think about dying children fulfilling their last wish to go to Disneyworld. But Make-A-Wish Foundation is about so, so much more.

As a volunteer wish granter for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, I’ve had the opportunity to learn more about the organization from the inside and to understand what really goes into turning a child’s wish into reality. I firmly believe that I have the best job of all- it is my responsibility to spend time with children with life-threatening conditions and help them to realize their “one, true wish.” These wishes are about more than visiting Disneyworld but rather understanding what will bring each child the greatest joy they could ever imagine.

This past week, I was inspired to hear about an incredible wish that was close to home for me: Stephen’s wish to be recruited for the University of Michigan Football Team. Like many children, he lost his ability to play football when he was diagnosed with cancer. For his wish, Stephen got to meet his favorite football player, Michigan’s football coach, and even the football team in the Big House.

The only way to appreciate the great work of the Make-A-Wish Foundation is to witness his wish for yourself:

http://frontrow.espn.go.com/2014/07/wish/

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The Fault in Our Stars: Fictionalizing the Realities of Childhood Cancer

“This is not so much an author’s note as an author’s reminder of what was printed in small type a few pages ago: This book is a work of fiction. I made it up.”

-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

The author’s note quoted above is one of my favorite pages in John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars.

When I first heard about The Fault in Our Stars, a book about childhood cancer that was also soon-to-be a movie, my initial reactions were as follows. Surprise, that the often hidden world of childhood cancer was being so prominently featured in a bestseller. Wariness, that this book which was quickly becoming a sensation itself would similarly sensationalize the lives of those with childhood cancer.

Reading the Author’s Note both confirmed and calmed my fears. I applauded Green’s straightforward commitment to the fictionality of the novel, for it cautions the reader not to use this story to make assumptions about childhood cancer. At the same time, it made me curious about his choice to use cancer as an intriguing literary device and how he would portray this reality, however fictionalized.

I found myself scrutinizing this book, expecting it to portray cancer in some false light that would spur further misunderstandings and stereotypes. But I have to say, after reading TFIOS, I was impressed by the power of Green’s language. The adolescent perspective, at times cynical and abrasively honest, allows him to successfully make real this foreign world of cancer. From the “Cancer Perks” that accompany a diagnosis to illness-catalyzed Encouragements, I thought that the story was overall written with great precision.

Interestingly enough, this was one of the first times where I preferred the movie adaptation to the book. To me, the witty dialogue and the comic relief interspersed amongst heartfelt emotion really came to life through the camera in a way that I didn’t quite feel when reading the book. While the book sometimes felt a bit bogged down by philosophical contemplations and at other times almost too simple, the film adaptation struck a balance between both the unbearable lightness and heaviness of being (a phrase I’m borrowing from Milan Kundera’s book)

Some critics have looked down upon this work as yet another in a new genre of “sick-lit” full of terminal illness and the devastations caused by disease. This idea warrants an entire post of its own (coming soon). I am glad that the TFIOS sensation is raising awareness of childhood cancer, but I can only hope that people take Green’s Author’s Note to heart.

“Neither novels nor their readers benefit from attempts to divine whether any facts hide inside a story. Such efforts attach the very idea that made-up stories can matter, which is sort of the foundational assumption of our species.”

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A Dance to Zach Sobiech’s Sandcastles: Dedicated to Youth with Cancer

Because dance is one way that I express myself, I’ve been wanting to dedicate a dance to the youth with cancer that I have spent time with over the years.

When I learned about Zach Sobiech, a teenager with osteosarcoma, his incredible musical talent resonated with me: the lyrics he wrote and the songs he sang expressed his inspiring attitude amidst his experiences with cancer. With subtle undertones of cancer, his music is simple yet powerful. One of my favorite songs by Zach is Sandcastles: a melodious, heartfelt duet with Sammy Brown about a far off land “where no one gets hurt and no one dies.”

Zach died one year ago today. My hope is that my choreography and performance of a dance to Sandcastles, speaks for itself.

Dedicated to youth with cancer.

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A Summer Solstice of Sorts

Although it’s been awhile, I’ve been thinking a lot about this website over the past few weeks. Remembering where it began, reflecting on how it has evolved, and postulating about what lies in its future. What began as a somewhat objective study of illness narratives has transformed to introspectively explore my personal navigation of the genre.

This summer, for the next two months before medical school begins in August, I will be doing something else that I love: traveling. From India to Paris to Spain, I’m really excited to have the opportunity to see more of the world. I am determined to make the most of this exciting time.

My ever-growing summer reading list beckons, and my travel journal of blank pages is waiting to be filled. I hope to refrain from technology (insofar as is possible) and instead feel the pages of real books and write through my thoughts with a pen in hand.

And so, this is a disclaimer: posts may be sparse over the next several weeks. But if this ends up being the case, then I look forward to returning with a refreshed perspective, developing thoughts, and new ideas for the future.

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One Reason Why I’m Attending the University of Michigan Medical School

There are many, many reasons why I’m excited to be attending the University of Michigan Medical School this fall. But I think that they all come down to one fact:

I’m not done.

In high school, all I wanted to do was get out of Ann Arbor. Never would I have ever imagined living here as a University of Michigan undergraduate, not to mention staying on for graduate school. With each life phase though, I have gotten to experience a new dimension of Ann Arbor; I’ve come to truly appreciate all that this city and these people have to offer.

What I love about the University of Michigan is the passion and dedication within our community. I have had the pleasure of getting to know so many motivated and inspiring students, advisors, and professors. This is a community of individuals who are committed to encouraging passion, embracing innovation, and nurturing our curiosity as life-long learners. This place and these people have shaped me into the person that I am today. I look forward to continuing to work with familiar faces as well as meeting new people.

Despite the change instigated by moving out and coming to college, there is one thing that has stayed constant as part of my life: volunteering at C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital. Mott is a place where I have spent more than 5 years, hundreds of hours, and even birthdays. Every Friday, security personnel greet me, health professionals say hi, and the man at the parking structure always thanks me genuinely for dedicating my time as a volunteer.

Perhaps what I most value is that many patients and their families have come to recognize me just as I recognize them. It means so much to me that I have had the opportunity to get to know these individuals and develop these lasting relationships. When I catch up with these people, I am reminded of just how much these experiences have helped me to understand what it means to truly care for others. Mott is a place that I have filled with memories over the years, and I’ve realized that I’m not quite ready to leave it just yet.

I’m not done, and it’s such an honor that I don’t have to be. Forever, go blue.

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Epiphanies at The Examined Life: Reflecting on My Discussion Forum

I wasn’t nervous. Which made me nervous.

Anxiety is supposed to be a good thing because it shows how much you care. When the blood pulsing through your body persists incessantly, your heart taking on a mind of its own. But in anticipation of presenting about my research at The Examined Life conference, I realized that my lack of anxiety wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

My calmness about leading a discussion of my research in effect reminded me about how much my research has come to define me. What was once merely something I do has now become a part of who I am. An inseparable component that, like my own name or hometown, I have no hesitance to claim and share.

I was fortunate to have engaged individuals, all attending my session for different reasons. Some who knew people with childhood cancer, some aspiring pediatricians, and others eager to implement similar mechanisms of research with other vulnerable populations. It was a smaller, more intimate group of people, which allowed for everyone to contribute to the conversation.

After I presented a brief overview of my project, we discussed some of the ethical considerations of my methods. Everyone then had the chance to encounter my narratives for themselves and to discuss the narrative insight they provided. We reconvened to brainstorm about some of the implications of this research, and even had the chance to watch Zach Sobiech’s music video for his song Clouds that arose from his experiences with osteosarcoma.

Although the time flew by and I had hoped to discuss much more, I was overall happy with how it went. The ethics discussion was tricky because there were so many logistical details that I had to explain, but most importantly, I was able to let the narratives speak for themselves. One woman commended me on my work and said something about how I was like a kid who swallowed an adult, which she meant in the best way possible. She elaborated, explaining how appreciative she was for my efforts and impressed by how mature and well-spoken I was for someone so early in my career. I really appreciated all the  kind words of support; it meant a lot to me.

What I love about sharing my research is that it has always been such an encouraging experience. It pushes me to take a step back from the work that I have been so deeply invested in over the past year, to look upon it anew and remember how this project came to be and why it is, as I believe, so incredibly important. And I am so grateful to have had this opportunity.

Here are the resources that I used for my discussion forum at The Examined Life conference:

Examined Life presentation

Discussion Forum Lesson Plan- Ethics and Methodology

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Excited for The Examined Life conference: Writing, Humanities, and the Art of Medicine

When I attended the WMU Medical Humanities Conference last fall, I heard about an upcoming conference called The Examined Life: Writing, Humanities, and the Art of Medicine. And now, I’m fortunate enough to not only be attending this conference but also be presenting about my childhood cancer narrative research!

The Examined Life conference explores “the links between the science of medicine and the art of writing.” This conference seems to align perfectly with my own dual interests in medicine and literature. I think that participating in this conference will help me to figure out how I can maintain and balance both passions throughout my career, and I’m looking forward to meeting others in these fields with their own insight and experience to share.

At the Examined Life conference just one week from now, I’ll be doing something a bit different. In writing my Honors English thesis over the course of this year, I realized just how crucial my methodology has been in shaping the adolescent cancer narratives that I wanted to analyze. As a result, rather than just presenting about my research, I’ll be leading a discussion forum this time. Specifically, we will be discussing the ethics inherent in my methodology and thoughts that may be sparked from encountering these narratives. I’m curious, nervous, and excited to see what comes out of this discussion. I believe that these conversations will give me a lot to think about as I look towards further developing my honors thesis.

Here’s the abstract for my discussion forum:

Chronicling Childhood Cancer: Illuminating the Illness Experience through Narrative

I’ve never been to Iowa! I’m excited.

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3/24/14: The day I turned in my Honors English Thesis

To be honest, this is probably the most important thing that I’ve done in my life.

My Honors English thesis

I know it sounds dramatic, but I can’t help but think that it’s true. I’ve been excited about writing a thesis since coming to college. I had no idea what it would be about, but I loved the idea of turning my own thoughts into something new. My English teacher once told me that I was a seeker; I enjoy turning to literature for answers and embracing its ambiguity. And in many ways, that is what I’ve done in my Honors English thesis.

It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around just how much of myself I’ve devoted to this research. But in many ways, this thesis is the culminating creation of my entire undergraduate education here at Michigan and more. Volunteering with pediatric oncology patients in high school initially piqued my interest; now, I’ve become dedicated to hopefully getting involved in childhood cancer as a physician. I needed to do this research: for these individuals with cancer who have had such an impact on my life but also for me, as a way of making sense of these unfathomable lives.

These final days have also been a time for remembering how fortunate I am to have so many people in my life supporting me. A close friend willingly contributed an extra set of eyes and an additional brain towards the editing process. From front to back, my mom read my entire thesis for typos. My dad morally supported me in the final stretch, and even my brother helped me to perfect the images. It’s been humbling to watch my loved ones step aside from their lives and devote their time to my own project.

Throughout the process, I’ve said that all I wanted was to be able to turn my thesis in knowing that I did everything I could and that I personally am happy with it. By my own standards, I believe that I’ve successfully accomplished this goal, and I couldn’t be more content.

If nothing else, the fact that I found myself eager to write this blog post and excited to dive into John Green’s  The Fault in Our Stars to celebrate  says something to me. I know that in studying literature, I’ve truly been doing something I love.

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Week 8: Facing the Ultimate Illness- Death and Children’s Literature

Since our class was at 4pm on Thursdays, we decided to meet at a coffee shop for our last discussion. Courtesy of the LSA Honors Program, I was able to treat my students to coffee and snacks as we discussed children’s literature about the topic of death.

For the first part of our class though, I wanted to share with my students the research that I’ve been doing for my Honors English thesis, especially since it was so informed by my own individual study of illness narratives. I gave them the typical shpeel about my project, then encouraged them to participate in a discussion about the ethics of my methodology and my research.

As always, I was impressed by the questions my students asked and their keen perception about the ethical complications to my research. It was also encouraging to see how much our discussions had evolved over the course of the semester as they asked about how to optimize the agency of children with cancer and questioned some of the conclusions I drew in my own analysis. Even as I was on the brink of submitting my thesis, it was amazing to realize that there was so much more left to think about.

When we turned to the children’s literature (Leo Buscaglio’s The Fall of Freddie the Leaf and Laurie and Marc Brown’s When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death), I was proud to see that many students had concerns with these works. One student challenged my title for the week, questioning whether death should actually  be considered as an ultimate illness. They criticized how When Dinosaurs Die portrayed death in an almost comical view that may not have been productive, such as by glossing over suicide. They wondered whether books such as these would be the best way to communicate in situations where death may be approaching.

This topic about death in children’s literature was one that is of particular interest to me, and we had an engaging discussion that brought us full circle to some of earlier conversations in the course about the purpose and function of literature and medicine.

Lesson Plan Week 8

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