One year later…

I’ve been thinking about this post for a few weeks now. Anticipating it, smiling about it, even stressing about it. It’s been one year since I started this blog, and I feel obligated to write about it.

I think that there are a few reasons for my muddled emotions about writing this post. I wanted to write about how far this blog has come in one year, how happy I am to have found a space to write and share my thoughts. I wanted to thank my more than 1500 followers, a supportive community of people that I had never expected to find. And I wanted to once more express my amazement and appreciation about just how far my thesis research project has come and how excited I am to be teaching my own course about illness narratives this semester.

Intertwined with all these joys and accomplishments, however, are the confusions and  hesitations that remain. I haven’t quite figured out where I fit into the fields of narrative medicine and medical humanities, but I find myself drawing away from both of these disciplinary labels. I’m not sure how exactly I will preserve my interests in this interdisciplinary arena, but I am determined to integrate this passion throughout medical school and beyond.

I was finally motivated to write this post, to reflect on how fulfilling this blog has been and recognize how much more I need to write through, because I realized that this is just where I should be. Writing blog posts in my head has become something that I just do, but I’m also glad that I haven’t found the answers to all my questions just yet. I guess that’s what this year will be for: finding more answers, and asking even more questions.

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New Models for Embodying Disability

Yesterday was International Day of Persons with Disability. In Zurich, the disability organization Pro Infirmis celebrated with mannequins sculpted after people with disability. “Because who is perfect?”

A simple, compelling work of art. This film and the project it reenacts both encourage us to remember disability. To pause. To reconsider societal ideas about the normal and abnormal body. To respect the vast array of differences that make us human.

What most fascinated me were the responses of passersby. Most halted in their tracks and did a double take. Some seemed confused and uncertain about whether what they were seeing was real. Perhaps these reactions exemplify how much farther we have to go in raising awareness and appreciation for disability.

Integrating disability into how we represent and mold our bodies is one more step forward.

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Filed under Film, Miscellaneous Musings, Theatre, Visualizing Illness

Being Thankful for Cancer: A Huffington Post article

This Huffington Post article caught my eye:

Dear Cancer, This Is How You’ve Made Me Thankful.

Zoe Lintzers reflects on how she has observed the experiences of loved ones with cancer, and how cancer has helped her to better appreciate the simple pleasures of life: She writes perceptively about these experiences and her own realizations, presenting a convincing argument for what others can learn from disease and human suffering. Is illness something we should be thankful for? Despite the revelations that it may catalyze, does it demand our gratitude?

It was sometimes hard for me to look beyond some of her diction choices, though. She mentions the aunts she lost to cancer. Then she proceeds to tell of how  “[t]here are the brave others in my family who have been diagnosed in the past six years and are in remission, having triumphed over a disease that makes our eyes widen and our hearts crumble upon hearing that initial diagnosis. But they’ve prevailed and, to me, are the strongest people I know.”

But what does this mean for those whose lives were lost to cancer? Were they not brave? Just because they were unable to successfully triumph over their disease, does that imply something about their strength?

I’m sure that these were not intentional questions that Lintzers meant to imply. But sometimes I feel that this can be the danger of using what Arthur Frank called “the triumph narrative.” It’s interesting to me how prevalent this language is when it comes to communicating illness experiences. Especially with cancer, a disease in which war is literally waged against one’s body. But there needs to be an increased awareness of the latent effects of the triumph narrative.

Lintzers does, however, successfully portray her personal experiences with cancer as both a painful experience but also an enlightening one: “Cancer made me see that this is what it — life — is all about.”

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Filed under Chronicling Childhood Cancer: Illuminating the Illness Experience through Narrative, Literary Narratives, Miscellaneous Musings

‘Brave’ Pediatric Oncology Patients at UMinnessota’s Amplatz Children’s Hospital

“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave”

The lyrics of Sara Bareilles’ song Brave struck me. They reminded me of the purpose behind my research and my Honors English thesis: to give children and adolescents a chance to tell their own stories. And, to give all those involved the opportunity to listen, to better understand how these children and adolescents cope with the complex, mysterious illness of cancer. In my mind, the bravery arises in how children are talking and writing about their intimate experiences with cancer.

From Stronger to Roar and now Brave, my emotions are mixed about these charged music videos about the sphere of pediatric oncology. While the Stronger and Roar videos ask for donations to support childhood cancer research in the caption, this video of Brave only links to additional information about the programs offered. I wonder, how does the purpose behind these videos affect how we should respond to them?

I have to say, one of the best things about these music videos is that they counter common misconceptions about childhood cancer. Every time I tell someone that I want to be a pediatric oncologist, people stare at me and say, “Oh. That’s so depressing” or “That’s so sad!”. I’m not saying that it’s not going to be an emotionally challenging career, but at the same time, these are truly incredible and lively children. These videos portray the fun and joy  that is also part of pediatric oncology. These children embrace their passions and make the most of their time in hospitals by playing games, making crafts, and finding reasons to laugh.

That’s why these videos make me smile.

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Filed under Chronicling Childhood Cancer: Illuminating the Illness Experience through Narrative, Dance, Film, Theatre

Grand Rounds: Now Available for Registration

The course that I am teaching next semester, Grand Rounds: Exploring the Literary Symptoms of Illness through Narrative, has now been posted. First year undergraduate students at the University of Michigan will be able to start registering for it within the next few weeks.

I’m excited that this is happening. I’m really looking forward to sharing my interests in illness narratives with other students and learning from their own insights and revelations as well.

Check out my upcoming course listed in the UM Course Guide!

Grand Rounds LSA CG

 

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one year/one minute: A Timelapse through Chemotherapy

1 photo per week. 52 weeks in a year. 1 years worth of photos, all in 1 minute.

A powerful series of snapshots that invite us to witness the transformations of chemotherapy.

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A Childhood Cancer take on Katy Perry’s Roar

Similar to Seattle Children’s Hospital’s performance of Stronger by pediatric oncology patients and staff, the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock did their own rendition of Katy Perry’s song Roar. This powerful video unites pediatric oncology patients, their families, and the healthcare professionals that treat them come together to sing how “you’re going to hear me roar.”

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Filed under Chronicling Childhood Cancer: Illuminating the Illness Experience through Narrative, Film, Uncategorized, Voice

Sharing the Clinical Relevance of Narrative at the UM Pediatrics Research Symposium

Instead of numerical values and statistics, my poster shared the words and phrases of children with cancer.  Amidst colorful posters with tables and graphs, my poster was adorned with drawings by pediatric oncology patients, such as cancer as a half-angel, half-devil being.

The 24th Annual Pediatric Research Symposium at the University of Michigan struck me as an interesting opportunity to share my narrative research with clinical pediatricians. I just began delving deeper into these narratives through a literary lens, and I enjoyed the challenge of reframing and furthering my analysis of these narratives for a medical audience. What does narrative illuminate about the living experience of childhood cancer? How do children conceptualize cancer and make sense of their illness experiences? And how can these narratives of pediatric oncology patients inform those who care for them?

Writing this abstract required more than inverting the active tense valued by the humanities to the passive tense valued in scientific writing. Designing this poster forced me to distill the numerous conversations and narratives that I have collected into a direct, concise argument. It was an incredibly helpful, albeit challenging, process.

From nearby poster presenters to practicing pediatric oncologists and more, it was interesting to discuss my research with a broad range of people and receive different feedback. One conversation in particular really resonated with me. A neighboring poster presenter asked me about my work, then confessed that she worked with pediatric oncology patients as a social worker for years. She said that it was a difficult and challenging position, one that ultimately surged her into depression because it was too much. To be able to work so intimately with these children, she said, “you need some kind of ‘distance.'”

This “distance” intrigues me. As we discussed this further, she explained that social workers preoccupy themselves primarily with the patients and families facing death, the ones struggling most with the interruptions of cancer. Physicians, on the other hand, have the chance to experience the broad range of paths that patients follow with cancer. The successful treatments, the ineffective drug regimens. This spectrum of outcomes helps give physicians perspective, but social workers by nature are honed in on the more despondent stories.

Is “distance” necessary for the emotional challenges of pediatric oncology? And if it is, what exactly does this imply about the impact of these childhood cancer narratives?  I wonder, how might these narratives complicate and possibly challenge this notion of ‘distance’?

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Filed under Chronicling Childhood Cancer: Illuminating the Illness Experience through Narrative, Miscellaneous Musings, Narrative Medicine Research

Slate: Stigmas of Cancer

An interesting article about the various stigmas of cancer and their implications:

Cancer stigma: Don’t blame patients for their disease, no matter what the risk factors.

Which leads me to question, what are the stigmas of childhood cancer?

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Contributing and Collaborating at the WMU Medical Humanities Conference

The people who I met, the conversations that we had, the ideas and passions that were exchanged and explored. These are the aspects that I enjoyed most at the Third Annual WMU Medical Humanities Conference, the things that I was most looking forward to and that I hope to experience at more conferences in the future.

I have to say, I think that this was one of my best presentations about my research. I’ve realized that I perform best as a speaker when I speak freely. The presentations that preceded mine throughout the day were inspiring. I felt my passion for my research empower me, and I was able to overcome anxiety with enthusiasm about my findings. The response to my presentation was overwhelmingly supportive and encouraging; some scholars were eager to share my project with students, others inviting me to stay in touch and explore their graduate programs. As the only student presenting, it was truly an honor to participate and I was fortunate to have such a great, interactive audience. 

The entire conference was an adventure. From the woman who sat next to me on the shuttle bus to the Founding Dean of Western Michigan University’s Medical School, I had the opportunity to meet a variety of people. People had travelled from across the nation and as far as England to present and participate in this conference, to share the projects they were passionate about and to learn about the passions of others. With this interdisciplinary field, there was an interesting assortment of people: humanities and social science scholars, clinicians, educators, and many overlaps amongst these. Each presentation offered new insight about different facets of Medical Humanities, and the discussions that unravelled afterwards were equally engaging and thought-provoking. Being physically in the presence of Medical Humanities people  helped me to better understand this field, and I’ll be incorporating some of my new thoughts from the conference in blog posts to come.

Here’s my WMU Medical Humanities Presentation: I wrote out notes in preparation, but they were by no means memorized. For those who would like to share my research with other students, I am honored. I really appreciate the support and enthusiasm!

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Filed under Chronicling Childhood Cancer: Illuminating the Illness Experience through Narrative, Miscellaneous Musings, Narrative Medicine Research